Parent Teacher Conference

Today, I dress
I wear motherhood like a costume,
a uniform.
Today, I am a soldier, a shield maiden
standing in front of my son, in front of our family
and so I choose carefully.
These pants; they fit, but show my weight loss
This shirt..
no, this one.
Submissive but strong. In this shirt, I betray nothing.
Not my love of gaming,
no passion, no witty remark upon my breast
no alliegance
but to womanhood, to frills, to blushes,
passivity and compliance.
I will betray myself, though, I always do.
I ask too many questions, and they have too many sharp corners
The real me expands to fit the space..
and she stands
hands on her weapon
in front of my son.

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The Rest Is

Ceaseless hammering
ignore the mantra
television, fiction
wanton nights
hazy and drugged with
need and urgency and mindless friction
hold me down
pin me with commands
displayed beneath your glass
I asked for this, I begged you
and you did
now I’ve shattered your peace too
I cannot leave you like this
broken against your will.
ceaseless hammering, a song in my veins
a humming in my skin,
beating against my resolve
you are my god now
god, give me strength.