While everyone was sneaking out behind the school where the woods were
I was tripping over myself, shyly laughing at his jokes and wondering
what was wrong with me.
Caught in my crush’s vice like grip I was unable to make a move
While everyone was smoking pot and buying condoms in packs
I was shyly learning how to kiss, wrapped up in a much older man in the front of his shitty car.
Balancing on the knife’s edge, because
when everyone else had already had one or two breakups,
when everyone else was buckling down, graduating, learning, getting A’s..
I was having the life squeezed out of me over and over
reconsidering leaving the psych ward
opening my body for any man or woman
evil enough to catch my eye
Now, while everyone else is watching their kids graduate high school, thinking about what to do now with their lives,
I have my first best friend.
My second kid is going to preschool,
we are buying a house.
I can’ t help but hope that when
everyone else is in their graves,
I will be learning how to fly a balloon,
or taking my first trip abroad,
opening my mind to any beautiful city
vital enough to catch my eye.